The hottest new sex move for guys

Literally taking a page from a recent Cosmo - OK, several pages - this blog entry proposes to deliver the best new sex move for the average red-blooded American man.

Well, you heard it here gentlemen - your new sure-thing move is this: buy your significant other a subscription to Cosmopolitan magazine. Huh? you're surely saying. How is a magazine devoted to all things at once female AND shallow going to help you get your wick dipped in the near term? Of course the brighter bulbs among you readers already know what I'm talking about. For explanation, I'll just quote a couple of choice bits from the cover of the latest issue, labeled "The Sexy Issue" - and those same bright readers will note that I am not making anything up:

"Get Butt Naked: 50 Things To Do Bare Assed"

"Sex He Craves - We Help You Discover His Most Dirty-licious Fantasies - So You Can Deliver The Naughty Goods"

Now the bulbs are lighting for the rest of you, no? You're surely not imaging things; Cosmopolitan appears to be trying to help us get lucky tonight - and if you've been paying any attention at all, you've noticed they've been at it for years. And, well, even if they've been ineffective in your specific case there's no reason to give up. Maybe your wife, girlfriend, co-worker with benefits or whoever just isn't subscribed yet - or has overlooked the option of reading her copy online, where she'll find "30 Things To Do With A Naked Man - Step 1: Break Out The Blindfold". If she scrolls down the home page she'll also encounter the Sex Position of the Week, which is currently "The Head Game." According to the diagram it'd be mighty hard on the female's neck and spine, but wait, there are accumulated weeks of alternatives: "The Face-to-Face Fandango," "The Love Seat," "The Amazing Butterfly," and "The Spider Web," to name a few, plus "If you like this week's position, try...The Head Over Heels"

It is of course beyond the scope of this blog entry to ask why, how or during what presidential administration this salacious slide into ribaldry might have befallen such a mighty flagship of fashion. My point, for all you mixed metaphor fans, is that there's a silver lining here you can drive a truck through. The "Give A Gift" link is at the bottom of the Cosmo home page, and if you're thinking "tis better to give than receive," methinks, gentlemen, you have surely gotten the message.

We can't be without some relevant links:

"The Cosmo Headline Technique for Blogging Inspiration"
http://www.copyblogger.com/cosmo-headlines/
"Here’s a technique that may work for you, and you’ll owe your success to that bastion of respectable women’s journalism, Cosmopolitan."

A National Women's Studies critique of Cosmopolitan (Abstract)
http://www.allacademic.com/meta/p_mla_apa_research_citation/2/3/4/8/3/p234834_index.html
" Cosmopolitan U.S. is behind the times sexually speaking in that it avoids discussing homosexuality, abortion, and sexually transmitted diseases, while its international counterparts engage openly with these issues."

Say It Ain't So: "Cosmopolitan Magazine not the answer for your sex problems"
"Sometimes the proposals I read lead me so far as to question whether anyone who works for Cosmo has actually had sex."
http://www.uwire.com/Article.aspx?id=3805938