The Most Pertinent Non Sequitur of All

Believe in me, or else
           - God

Or else what?
           - Man

Oh.
           - Man

Tips for Making Your Blog as Delightfully Meta as an Average Absurdist Painting

Just before starting to write this the author had a lovely time being a social animal with other grownups, and it's now obvious that he was too excited to notice a beer and three glasses of wine had given him a definite case of sec before he'd even gotten home. Sooo...what else about my erstwhile well-observed life could use a more thorough flogging with the 'ol Analysis Stick?

Oh yes, my blog.


(from Dept of More Meta Than Thou)

- Exert strenuous efforts to ensure the blogs to which you subscribe are all discontinued. Bonus points if the author has not been seen alive in more than a year.

- Keep a mirror next to the computer screen. Better yet - typing blind isn't that hard - convert your computer screen into a mirror.

- Comment on why you chose each specific word in your sentence. Include illustrations.

- Comment on your comments. Include illustrations.

- Explain why comments aren't footnotes, and segue into a thoughtful discourse on the sadly solipsistic state of academic writing (with an ironic examination of how aware you are of the irony inherent in ironic examinations)

- Set up a webcam pointed at your computer screen, then set up a webcam pointed at the webcam that's pointed at your computer screen

- Post a video of you agonizing over where to stop with this setting up of frickin webcams

- Publish a daily electron micrograph of a random area of your body

- Contract with a funeral home to have the video of your death automatically posted on Youtube, funded through the advance sale of tickets and targeted advertising

* Bonus difficulty points if the search spiders can't find an instance of the word "me" on your site.

Google Everywhere!

Setting: A darkened yurt in the steppes of southeastern Mongolia, the near future.

HERDSMAN: OK Google.
PILE OF PELTS ON THE FLOOR: .
HERDSMAN: I think something is wrong with my yak. He is sleeping a lot.
PILE OF PELTS ON THE FLOOR: Here are the listings for large animal veterinarians nearby. Shall I display them?
HERDSMAN: Yes.
PILE OF PELTS ON THE FLOOR: No external display detected.
HERDSMAN: Manure! Wife, get me my S9. It's probably by the drying racks!
HERDSWOMAN: Get it yourself! You haven't checked your Google + status in twenty minutes, aren't you afraid you no longer exist? I've got work to do!
HERDSMAN: Woman, the yak is sick. Get me my S9 and quit your bitching!
HERDSWOMAN: Eternal Heaven! If we had upgraded the Google appliance from a standalone unit last year like I wanted to, you wouldn't have to go running to your S9 to google something - and you wouldn't have to keep that appliance buried under a bunch of hides so the battery doesn't freeze! It's insane - and incidentally so are you!
HERDSMAN: I will not be bullied by a globally mega-monopolistic super-corporation!
HERDSWOMAN: For Schmidt's sake, will you keep it down? You'll have an auditing drone poking around our tent if you don't shut up! Do you want that?
HERDSMAN: I will not be bullied by you either! I don't care about your preferred vendor status ... that yak does a lot more work than you!
HERDSWOMAN: I'd like to see it auction its own milk.
HERDSMAN: That's another upgrade. Forget it!